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Relationships as a mirror of self
Part of the role of the unconscious mind is to project into consciousness suppressed content that requires our attention. This content may include suppressed feelings that need to be brought into consciousness for integration and release. Suppressed emotion causes blocks in your energy and body that over time may result in physical tissue damage and/or mental and psychological imbalance. Thus the unconscious mind, the servant to our well-being, works tirelessly to lead us into releasing this blockage.
One of the primary ways the unconscious mind brings our attention to our suppressed matter is by projecting into our world specific experiences and people who will serve as reflections of our unresolved inner issues. Typically, our repressed content is comprised of the aspects we cannot face about ourselves, the hidden dark side we perceive is weak or bad. These are the shameful parts of ourselves that we dissociate from by projecting them unto others and then using to pass judgment. As we continue to judge and see these qualities as evil, they are forced into the unconscious domain, where they fester and become uncontrolled motivators of irrational behavior.
Most people are not aware that when they experience an emotional reaction that is disproportionate to the situation, they may actually be reacting to their own internal projection. If you find that you display a consistent pattern of irrational, highly opinionated outbursts regarding a specific subject or characteristic in someone, you should examine that feature carefully because it may just be a mirror image of your own unconscious attribute. Self-knowledge can be developed by looking at yourself as the potential source of the precise flaw which you are accusing someone else of possessing.
When we superimpose an unconscious characteristic of our own personality onto another person, we react to the projection as if it inherently belongs to that person. We might treat the other individual harshly, since these projections often times trigger a highly elevated emotional outburst within ourselves. We are essentially facing a part of our unconscious self that we are not yet willing to confront.
Intimate relationships usually serve a profound feeding ground for projections. When a relationship fails to work out, it may be due to our response to the projections in the relationship. We do not realize that we move further away from discovering the cause of the breakup because we did not take the opportunity to look at what our partner was mirroring about ourselves. Instead, we continue to blame the other person for our pain and consequently become victim to repeating the same pattern in our next relationship. Accordingly, we perpetually attract individuals who possess the qualities that will eventually disappoint us.
Solution
Integrate your projection. Instead of focusing on someone else's shortcomings and all the reasons he or she has disappointed you, take the time to consider what they may be reflecting about your unconscious issues. Create a list of what you like and dislike about the other person. Review the list to see what you may learn about yourself, since many of their qualities (positive and negative) may be an accurate reflection of you. It is important to bear in mind when reviewing that the objective is not to judge yourself harshly either. Accepting all parts of your self is the path to wholeness.