Dealing With Anger
Beneath anger there is usually a more intense or painful emotion that
we do not want to face. Hence, it is easier just to experience and express
anger externally and distract ourselves from noticing the more intense
feelings underneath the surface. Gaining awareness of intense emotions
can help us to determine their source, and can ultimately lead to a resolution.
When you feel anger, do not immediately express the anger outwardly;
acknowledge it and take the time to thoroughly experience this sensation.
Stop in that moment and become attuned to your emotional state in all
its complexity. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, focus your attention
at the base of your spine, clear your mind, and pay attention.
The feelings underlying the anger may include resentment, jealousy,
sadness, depression, and ultimately fear.
Solution
Remind yourself that the feelings and thoughts you are having come from
a part of you that is afraid (this could be a fear of many things -- fear
of loss, fear of not being good enough, and so on).
Ask yourself if you want your choices or behaviour to be controlled
by a part of you that is motivated by fear.
Then ask yourself what a loving, compassionate and wise you would do.
When you find the answer, you can choose to act on it or not. Whatever
choice you make is a responsible choice, because you took the time to
contemplate your decision. When you choose mindfully you become conscious
of the potential consequences of that judgment. A responsible choice may
not always be the wisest alternative, but it is one created with greater
awareness of the factors that motivated you to make it.
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